"We get so lost in our routines that we lose touch with the immense freedom that exists in each passing day, if we choose to open ourselves up to it. Unnoticed days blend together in a flurry of monotony. Blink twice and you wake up and see that we are nearing the sweet spot between seasons, when the last rays of summer are beginning to flirt with autumn's chill... Let’s slow it down and embrace more breathless moments, more moments where you feel awake and in tune with each frame of the day. Your day is your blank canvas, what you choose to do with it is your art.” ~ Sally Botam AKA ‘SallyMustang'
A lot of time I feel like there are so many things I want to do. Need to do. Want to accomplish and create. I get high and motivated, then it gets pushed behind the ‘to-do’ list I have to do. The adult list. The stuff I have to do to keep my business going. To pay rent. To feed myself. Bills. Calli’s dog food…. To the point of feeling stuck. Life suddenly feels flat.
I had the thought. Is this it? Is this just how it’s going to be? Life. Just this continuing cycle of monthly to-do's, working to keep it all going? And I’m one of the lucky ones! Having more freedom, free time, travel time than most people I know. Sitting around a campfire recently having this conversation, one firefly says, “Yeah, that’s pretty much it. You just learn how to manage and accept it more the older you get.” In my mind I’m thinking, hell to the no, calling BS- I do NOT accept!!
In my true self, I know this is not the truth. Almost immediately upon this “Is this it?” question entering my brain, I simultaneously have this fighting feeling inside myself. Like a little positive cherub on my shoulder. When I choose to wake up, really wake up to what is going on all around me, I know I am so lucky.
A few days ago I woke up. I should also mention, it was the first day of my year 32 on the planet. I woke up, had coffee. Good coffee. Local roasted, delicious hipster type kind of coffee. I feed Calli dog. Looked around my apartment. The tiny 650 sq. ft. space that took me three months to finish painting. The painting was done. Hmmmm…I’m really pleased with this little space.
2nd cup of coffee. Special folks start to make breakfast. Tina turner, Proud Mary, the morning anthem. Sweet and savory stuffed croissants. Savory with black truffle mozzarella, pan seared sweet corn and pancetta; sweet with mascarpone, basil and strawberries, topped with real whipped cream. Whipped craaaim… Finished with custom strawberry cut roses. I know, he’s awesome. And then I played with my food. I photographed the shit outta those strawberries. Then we sat out on my porch and devoured every last sweet and savory bit until I felt deliriously and wonderfully sick with myself.
In this moment I didn't feel the least bit flat or 32 years old. I felt me. Authentically me. And full. Literally and in the way that "I don't want anything more than I have in this moment,” full. Honestly, a lot of the time I feel the same as I did when I was 12 years old. Now, the real question is, how do I make this stick? Everyday. Upon this thought all my little cherubs are spouting quote bubbles from their little mouths... Pay attention to the moments where you feel good, the most alive, the most authentically you, and just do that. It’s that easy! And I know deep down this is the absolute truth. What has always been true. What has always made me feel most like me? Being with family. Spending time with good friends. Photography. Relaxed writing. Outdoors. That means a lot of mountain time 'round these parts. Travel. Walking with my dog. Stretching. Slow jogging. Rollerblading. Long bike rides. Cooking. Eating. Shooting cans with my BB gun. In this particular scenario, I probably haven’t showered, and even though I really like showering, it sometimes makes me feel free not to, or something. Seeming to quite literally go back to my 12 year old self here. These moments must be like weird time travel, except time doesn’t really exist because you’ve always been you. Sorry if lost you there. That happens sometimes in time travel... (Note: time travel photo) Thinking, dreaming, letting my imagination have fun with all the possibilities I am lucky enough to have in this life. Just for example, I’ve been thinking about turning the wedding wagon (the name given to my white Toyota FJ, not by me) into a more perma custom camp car… Brilliant! My little cherubs rejoice. What a wonderful feeling. Sometimes all it takes is just to say yes to those muffled voices inside. The voices inside your head…. Oh God. Sorry Dad.
As time passes and the season changes, wishing that we can all embrace whatever that authentic voice inside is telling us and work towards it. Make changes in life if needed, to live the life that we each desire and deserve, because that voice is you. That we may all live to our potential and wake up everyday feeling full and thinking, "I don't want anything more than I have in this moment.”